


"Fake" Prostitute

by rejectedusername



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Crossdressing, Fake AH Crew, M/M, Pining, everybody wants ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:52:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rejectedusername/pseuds/rejectedusername
Summary: Someone from the crew needs to dress up as a Prostitute to get information from a gig. Since Ryan is the only one who’s face has never been seen, he’s given the job. Ryan’s more okay with the job than expected, and he shows the crew his face for the first time. Everyone is smitten when they see his face and the crew determines that someone needs to win him over and will get to date him





	"Fake" Prostitute

Trouble was starting to begin in Los Santos. A shady CEO, who went by the Corpirate, was turning gangs against each other and stealing various territories. He had turned the Vagos against the Fake AH Crew, and in the middle of the fighting, the Corpirate had swooped in and stolen territories from both gangs. The Fake AH Crew decided that if they got rid of the Corpirate, then they could take care of the Vagos.

The crew sat in their meeting room in their penthouse to come up with a plan to take the Corpirate down. “Okay, so we know that the Corpirate spends most of his time in his business office for his company, “Corpirate’s Farming and Mercantile,” Geoff started.

“So, the most obvious course of action would be to literally hit the corporation, head on,” Jeremy said.

“I really don’t think it’s gonna be as simple as hitting it head on,” Michael replied.

“You would be correct, Michael,” Jack said. “He keeps everything heavily guarded.”

“We’ve taken down heavily guarded things before, we could probably do it again,” Jeremy pointed out.

“No, no. Corpirate has the Vagos on his side, along with his guards. If we take down the Corpirate first, it will weaken the Vagos and make it easier to take them out. We need to figure out how to be stealthy so we can get into the Farming and Mercantile without engaging the Vagos,” Geoff explained.

“Ooh, a spy mission!” Gavin said with glee.

“But this isn’t gonna be one of those spy missions where you crawl through the vents. We need someone who can get close to him without raising suspicion.”

“B-Team has done research and determined that the Corpirate tends to call ’concubines‘ into his office fairly often,” Jack said.

“Did they also research what a ’concubine‘ was?” Michael asked.

“A ’concubine,’ Michael, is a historical word for a prostitute. And if we need someone to disguise themselves as a prostitute, I could easily do that,” Gavin offered.

“The only problem with that is that even with makeup, he would still be able to recognize you, Gavin. He would be able to recognize all of us,” Geoff said.

“We could get one of the girls from B-Team to be the fake prostitute,” Jack suggested.

“Yeah, but we kinda still need them on their jobs on B-Team.”

“The Corpirate wouldn’t recognize me,” Ryan said.

“He would recognize your mask,” Michael said.

“True. But if I took it off and got disguised as the prostitute, I could easily get in and slit his throat.”

“Ryan, you haven’t even shown us your face,” Jeremy said.

Ryan took a deep breath and sighed. “Look, I’ve been with this crew for a few years. My face isn’t anywhere where anybody would recognize it. My face isn’t my personal life, and I’m actually finally kind of comfortable enough with you guys to finally show it you now,” he admitted.

Geoff smiled. “This is a big step you’re taking with us,” he said.

“I think I trust you guys.”

“Perfect.”

“Are you gonna take your mask off now? Or…?” Jeremy asked.

“I’ll take it off when I’m getting into costume tomorrow,” Ryan replied.

“I’ll talk to Lindsay and get her to put together a ’hooker‘ costume tonight,” Michael said.

“Awesome. The sooner we can get this done, the better,” Geoff said. Ryan’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and stared at its screen. “Ryan?” 

“I gotta go back to my apartment,” Ryan replied as he stood up.

“Will you be ready to do this tomorrow?” Jeremy asked.

“Oh, I’ll be ready,” Ryan said with a nod as he headed for the door. He waved bye to everyone and left the room.

“You ready to finally see Ryan’s face?” Gavin asked.

“It’s about damn time we saw it,” Geoff replied.

The next day, Ryan showed up at the penthouse with a bag of supplies that could be used when he was dressed up in costume. “You know, Lindsay is bringing over your prostitute costume; you didn’t have to get your own,” Geoff said.

“I know, but since my face is normally painted under my mask, I brought my own costume makeup…” Ryan started.

“Why would you have your face painted under your mask if you weren’t ever planning on taking off your mask?” Jeremy asked.

“Extra anonymity. But I also brought…” he said. Then, he paused and pulled a pair of high heels out of his bag. “These!”

“Black pumps,” Jack said .

“Yeah but…” Ryan started. Then, he pulled a knife from the sole of one of the shoes. “They also have daggers in the soles!” he said.

“Where the bloody hell did you get shoes with daggers in them?!” Gavin exclaimed. Ryan merely laughed. “Alright then…”

“Lindsay will be here in a little while, so if you want to prepare yourself…” Geoff started.

“I’m gonna go get a shower,” Ryan interrupted.

“Go freshen up,” Jeremy said. Ryan nodded and left to go to the bathroom in his room. “You know, I just realized something. We’re _still_ probably not gonna get to see Ryan’s real face under all the prostitute makeup.”

“Still more of his face than we have seen,” Gavin replied.

The crew talked about plans to take care of the Vagos until about 30 minutes had passed and the crew heard the shower turn off. “Is Lindsay here yet?” Ryan called from his bathroom.

“Not yet,” Michael called back.

The crew continued to talk about plan when Ryan paced into the living room to join the rest of the crew, a few minutes later. “So, what were you guys talking about?” he asked as he walked up and joined everyone on the couch.

“Making plans to deal with the–” Geoff said as he turned to look at Ryan. His jaw dropped as soon as he saw him. The rest of the crew turned to look at Ryan when Geoff paused and their jaws dropped as well.

“Guys?” Ryan asked. He had come out of the bathroom wearing the same clothes he had come in, but he wasn’t wearing his mask or any face paint. They saw that he had shoulder length black hair, a strong, square jaw, piercing ice blue eyes, and cheeks still a bit rosy from the shower.

Blushes formed on the faces of the rest of the crew. “You’re… uh… not wearing your mask…” Jeremy stuttered.

“Yes well, I want my face to dry out more before I get my costume and put makeup on. Putting a latex mask over my face while I’m trying to dry it wouldn’t be conducive to helping it dry,” he said simply.

“Oh… well, you look good…” Jack said.

“Tha—”

“GOOD?! HE LOOKS RIGHT HANDSOME!” Gavin exclaimed.

The rosiness on Ryan’s cheeks deepened. “Oh, thank you,” he said with a smile.

“That’s a winning smile, you got there,” Geoff said with a smirk.

“One good enough to trick Corpirate into thinking I’m a hot hooker?”

“Of course, it’s a beautiful smile,” Jack said.

“You’ll look like the most powerful one in the room,” Michael said.

“That’s the plan,” Ryan said with a nod.

The front door to the penthouse opened and Lindsay entered. “Sorry I’m late. Traffic was crazy,” she said. She ran into the living room and paused when she saw Ryan. “Is this hot guy _the_ guy you’re getting to be the fake prostitute? Because I thought Ryan agreed to do it,” she said.

“Lindsay, it’s me,” he said.

Her eyebrows shot up. She gave Ryan an up and down look. “Holy shit, Ryan, you’re hot!” she said.

Ryan let out a snort. “Thanks.”

“Come on, let’s get you in costume,” she said as she offered him a hand .

Ryan took her hand and stood up. “By the way, I brought pumps with daggers in the soles. Will those work with the costume?”

“Yeah, those sound perfect,” she said as she began to walk to the B-Team room. Ryan followed Lindsay out of the room.

Everyone continued to stare at Ryan as he walked away. “Holy fucking shit…” Michael breathed out.

45 minutes later, Lindsay came back out to the living room. “Everyone, meet _Jamie_ , the “Fake” prostitute,” she says while motioning to the hallway. Ryan strutted into the room. He was wearing a black wig that gave him hair down to his hips. He had light brow eyeshadow, black eyeliner, mascara, blush, red lipstick, and a beauty mark on his face. He had a strapless electric blue top on that showed a bit of his abs and a tight black pleather skirt on. The outfit was completed by his stilettos with daggers in the soles.

“How is it even possible for you to still look good?” Jack asked.

“Dude, he was able to do the makeup by himself. I’m super impressed,” Lindsay explained.

“I… may or may not have done theater in the past,” Ryan explained.

“Dude, where are you hiding your junk in that?” Michael asked.

“Like I said, I may or may not have done theater in the past. You learn how to tuck and hide,” he replied with a shrug.

“You’ll probably need a guard or something. And since I’ve done spy work before, I’ll help you out,” Gavin offered.

“Gav, you wouldn’t make a good guard. I’ll be his guard,” Jeremy replied. Gavin scoffed in response.

“Guys, did you all forget that underneath all of this,” he paused and gestured down to his outfit. “I’m still the Vagabond, the most terrifying mercenary in Los Santos. I think I’ll be able to handle myself without a guard.”

“Come on Ryan, I’ll drive you to the Farming and Mercantile,” Lindsay said.

Ryan nodded. He and Lindsay walked to the front door. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” he said as he and Lindsay left the penthouse.

“Damn…” Geoff murmured to himself.

Each member sat in the living room, awestruck from how attractive Ryan was. They were too lost in thoughts about how they each, individually, wanted to date Ryan. He was a nice guy, albeit creepy sometimes, and he would make perfect boyfriend material. When Ryan sent a group text telling everyone that the Corpirate was dead, everyone gave an affectionate smile. They soon got lost in their thoughts of how they would win Ryan over.

The next morning Ryan came back to the penthouse looking exhausted.

“Hey Rye,” Jack greeted.

Ryan yawned. “Hey Jack,” he replied.

“Doesn’t look like you got much sleep, last night,” Gavin commented.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night because, if you forgot, I was killing the Corpirate.”

“Yeah, Gavin,” Geoff replied, giving him an annoyed side-eye.

“Don’t worry Rye-bread, I made you coffee,” Michael said.

Ryan snorted in amusement. “Ha, I thought calling me that was Gavin’s thing .”

“Well, I like that name so I’m using it, now,” Michael said as he began to stare at Gavin. Gavin scowled and began glaring at Michael. Michael gave Gavin a smug smirk,

“Fair enough,” Ryan replied with a shrug. Ryan walked over to Michael and took the coffee that he made him. He noted the sugar that was in the coffee. “Thank you, Michael. Normally, I take my coffee black, but this is still pretty good.” Gavin scoffed at Michael, who rolled his eyes in return.

Ryan went and took a seat at the kitchen table. Jeremy quickly rushed to sit next to him. “So, what are you planning on doing today?” he asked.

Ryan took a sip of his coffee. “Well, we were all probably going to continue with plans to finish off the Vagos, right?” he replied.

“Yeah, that would be a thing I’d like to do, Ryan,” Geoff replied.

Jeremy scoffed. “Come on Geoff, give Ryan a break. He just killed the Corpirate last night.” Geoff grumbled in his seat. “Besides, Ryan, we haven’t done fight training in a while, and I’d like to get us started on boxing.”

“Alright, that sounds fine,” Ryan agreed as he took another sip of his coffee.

“Well, finish up your coffee and get changed. We’ll go downstairs to practice in a bit.”

“Cool,” he said as he took a big last swig of his coffee.

“Wait, before you go,” Jack started. Ryan turned to face him. “Can I do some upgrades on your bike?”

“Depends. Are the bike upgrades gonna get me killed?”

“Of course not!”

“Then go ahead,” he said as he got up to go to his room. Jeremy quickly got up to get changed as well.

They both got ready and met back up in the living room of the penthouse. The other members of the crew glared jealously at Jeremy and he gave a victorious smirk in return. Ryan started left the penthouse and Jeremy followed behind him.

They got down to the gym downstairs and set their gym bags down. “You know, it might be fun if we did this… shirtless,” Jeremy suggested.

“Isn’t that, you know, weird?” Ryan asked.

“Silly Rye, professionals box shirtless .”

“Right…” Ryan said. Then he shrugged and pulled off his sweatshirt and shirt. Jeremy stared at Ryan. he bit his lip, admiring his chiseled abs. “So,” Ryan said[, regaining Jeremy’s attention. “Are we gonna practice boxing or what?”

“Right,” Jeremy said. He walked to the fighting mat of the gym.

“Are you gonna take your shirt off, too?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said. He pulled his shirt off as well and threw it off to the side. Unlike Ryan’s chiseled body, Jeremy’s strength training had never really slimmed him down enough to get abs of his own.

Ryan brought the boxing gloves over to the mat, handed one pair to Jeremy, and started to put his own pair on.. Jeremy put his gloves on. “Okay so the first rule of boxing is no hitting below the belt. No–” Jeremy was cut off when Ryan kicked him in the stomach. “No kicking,” he coughed.

“Well, that takes away half the fun,” Ryan sighed.

Jeremy playfully jabbed Ryan in the shoulder. “No pushing opponent down, biting, spitting, holding tripping and no–” Ryan interrupted him by headbutting him. The force of the headbutt knocked Jeremy to the floor. “Headbutting…” he wheezed.

“Man, formal boxing is no fun. I’m not sure I want to do it anymore,” Ryan said.

Jeremy took the opportunity and pulled Ryan to the floor. If he wanted to win Ryan over before the rest of the crew tried, he needed to convince him through means of physical affection. He tried to climb on top of him to kiss him, but Ryan quickly turned it into a playful wrestling match. The two laughed as the play wrestled. After a little while, Ryan was out of breath.

“Can we be done for the day? I didn’t get the best sleep because of all of the activities I was doing,” Ryan said.

Jeremy sat up. “Yeah, sure.” Ryan moved into a sitting position, as well. “So, I kinda think…”

Ryan stood up and offered a hand to Jeremy. “Come on, let’s get back to the penthouse and get some lunch.” Jeremy sighed and took his hand. Ryan pulled him up and they grabbed their stuff.

Once they got back to the penthouse, Gavin ran over to Ryan. “RYAN, RYAN, RYAN!”

“What, what, what?” Ryan tiled his head.

“I have something to show you!”

“Can it wait until after I’ve showered? I’m kinda sweaty right now.”

Gavin looked at the still-shirtless Ryan up and down and noticed the sweat glistening on his chest. “Yeah, you are,” he murmured to himself and smirked.

“Huh?”

“Nothing! Yeah, it can wait until after you’ve showered.”

Jeremy walked over to Ryan and Gavin. “Gavin…” he warned. Gavin gave Jeremy a smug look.

“But come get me after you’re done, ‘kay?”

“Okay,” Ryan replied. He walked back to his room to go take a shower.

An hour later, Ryan came to get Gavin, who was sitting in his tech office. “You wanted to show me something?” Ryan asked.

Gavin jumped at Ryan’s sudden entrance. “Ryan!” he turned his chair to face him. “Sorry, luv, you’ve got a light step.”

“It’s alright,” he said. Then his stomach let out a loud grumble. “Actually, can we wait until after I’ve grabbed some lunch?” he asked.

“Nonsense, it will just be right quick.”

Ryan sighed. “Fine.”

Gavin got up and grabbed Ryan’s hand. He led him into his own bedroom and let go of his hand. He went over and grabbed a golden skull that he had sitting on his dresser. “Look!” Gavin said excitedly.

“A golden skull. That’s pretty cool,” Ryan said, admiring the skull.

“It’s a real human skull that’s been dipped in gold,” Gavin explained.

“Wow, that’s actually really cool.”

“And it’s not just any human’s skull. It’s the Corpirate’s!”

“How did you get the Corpirate’s skull when I just killed him, yesterday?”

“B-Team can be rather speedy with their clean up.”

Ryan smiled. “Wow, it’s almost like you’re trying to impress me or something,” he joked.

Gavin’s face began to flush. “Well, it is a gift for you, so…”

“Aw Gavin, thank you,” Ryan said as he walked over and gave Gavin a hug. Gavin’s eyelashes fluttered when he came to terms with the hug and he hugged Ryan back. Gavin’s hand started to migrate to Ryan’s ass when Ryan’s stomach let out another loud growl. Ryan pulled away from the hug. “I’m gonna go put this in my room, but I really need to get some lunch,” he said as he left the room. Gavin sighed in defeat.

After Ryan had lunch, he went back to his room to admire his new golden skull. He was still a bit worn out from wrestling with Jeremy that morning, so he figured he’d catch a nap. When he finished his nap, he wondered if the crew was actually going to come up with a plan to take down the Vagos that day. He didn’t feel like being proactive that day, so he figured he’d just clean his guns while he waited for someone to get him when they were gonna start planning.

Just as Ryan was finishing cleaning his shotgun, Michael burst into his room. “RYAN!” Michael yelled.

Ryan jumped and yelped. “Jesus, you scared me!”

“I have some explosives to show you.”

“For taking down the Vagos, right?”

“Sure, come on,” Michael said as he grabbed Ryan and pulled him with him out of the room.

Ryan followed Michael down to the garage. Ryan saw Jack working on his bike as he followed Michael to his car. “Hey Jack,” Ryan said.

Jack paused his work and looked over at Ryan. “Oh, hey Ryan,” Jack replied with an smile of fondness.

“How’s my bike project coming along?”

“It’s—”

“Come on, Ryan, you’re really gonna want to see this,” Michael interrupted.

“Oh,” Ryan said. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later, then,” he said with a wave. Jack glared at Michael and Michael scowled back as they walked away.

Ryan and Michael got in Michael’s car and drove out to the open field where Michael would always test his new explosives. They both got out of the car and Michael pulled out a remote to set the explosions off. “You better like this,” Michael murmured to himself.

“If we are watching all of your explosives, can we sit down? I took a nap, earlier, but I’m still kinda sleepy,” Ryan asked.

Michael sucked in a breath to let out a sigh, but then he shook his head; he didn’t want to sigh at Ryan if he was trying to win his love. He went back to his trunk and pulled lawn chair out. “You won’t be so sleepy after these bombs,” he joked, as he set the chairs up in a safe zone. “You ready?” Michael asked.

Ryan nodded. Michael pressed the remote button and first explosion went off.

The explosion was pure black and smoky. Ryan nodded when he saw the smoke trail. The next explosion went off and Ryan raised an eyebrow because the smoke from that bomb was blue. The explosions kept going off, bomb smoke switching from black to blue. After 20 minutes, the final bomb went off, leaving a giant smoke skull floating away.

“Wow Michael, those bombs seemed pretty artistic. Kinda looked like they had a…” Ryan was cut off when he felt something fall onto his lap. He looked down and saw Michael’s head. Michael had heard that Jeremy had tried to kiss Ryan and he decided that he had to one-up him as try to give Ryan a blow job.

He started to feel Michael mouthing at his crotch and he couldn’t figure out why Michael would be starting to speak into his crotch. He pulled him back up and grabbed his shoulders. “Whoa Michael, are you okay, there?” 

Michael gulped. “Yeah, uh, I’m fine. Probably just some of the explosive powders getting to me,” he said, trying to play off is obvious attempt at foreplay.

“Be careful when experimenting with artistic explosives.”

“Yeah… I’ll be more careful next time.”

“And…” Ryan paused to decide whether or not he should say what’s on his mind or not.

“And what?”

Ryan sighed and decided to just go for it. “Those explosives, they almost looked _Vagabond_ themed.”

Michael smiled. “That’s because they were.”

“Oh, well I liked them and they were really cool,” Ryan said. Michael beamed in satisfaction. “But if you’re gonna do artistic explosions in the field, you might want to try a Mogar theme, since you’re Mogar.”

Michael blinked in surprise of his obliviousness. “…Right…”

“Come on, let’s get back to the…” Ryan paused when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled his phone out, read the text he had received, and sent a text in return.

“What’s that?” Michael asked.

“Personal business phone.”

“And who were you texting?” Michael asked, suspiciously.

“No one from the crew, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Ryan replied as he put his phone away. “Come on, let’s get back to the penthouse,” he said as he started walking back to Michael’s car.

Michael sighed and followed behind him. Winning Ryan’s love was going to be harder than he thought.

The atmosphere back at the penthouse was nothing but awkward. Gavin had immediately jumped on Ryan and tried to get him to cuddle with him. The other Lads growled at Gavin and they immediately went out on the balcony to take their fight outside.

Ryan asked Jack what was up with them, and Jack told him not to worry about it. Geoff pulled Ryan away so he could help him with dinner, and that made Jack frown. At dinner, the anger between the crew was almost palpable. Ryan didn’t understand why everyone seemed pissed at each other; he could only assume it was misplaced frustration with dealing with the Vagos.

Despite the tense atmosphere, Ryan decided to spend the night at the penthouse. Ryan didn’t understand why the atmosphere was still tense the next morning, even after everyone had had a good night’s rest.

After breakfast, Jack approached Ryan. “Ryan?” he asked.

“What’s up Jack?” Ryan replied.

Jack took a deep breath. “I finished updating your bike.”

Ryan’s eyes lit up in excitement. “Really?! Can we go check it out?” Jack nodded and the two started to walk down to the garage. “So, what did you add to it?”

“Made a few upgrades on the engine, gave it oil, replaced the fuel injection system with a more efficient one…” his words trailed off as they got down to the garage. Jack flipped on the lights to the garage so Ryan could see his bike. When Ryan looked at his bike, his jaw dropped. “… gave it a paint job,” Jack finished with a sly smile.

“Holy shit that looks awesome!” Ryan exclaimed. “It’s _Vagabond_ themed!”

Jack slung his arm around Ryan’s shoulder, “It sure is, buddy. Gotta own your brand.”

“Thank you, Jack.” Then, Ryan had a thought. “You know, it’s funny that Michael showed me a Vagabond-themed artistic spin on his explosives for dealing with the Vagos.”

Jack’s grip on Ryan’s shoulder tightened. “Oh, really?” Jack forced out.

“Yeah. It’s like you guys have been hopping on the _Vagabond_ brand ever since I killed the Corpirate, or something.” Jack’s eye started twitching. “I’m gonna go hop on my bike to see the new features up close,” Ryan said as he removed Jack’s hand from his shoulder. He ran over to his bike and looked at the dashboard. “Ooh, did you add Bluetooth, too? That’s really going to come in handy for heists!”

Jack sighed. He had known that the Lads where pining after Ryan, as well, but he hadn’t realized that using the _Vagabond_ theme was too close to something the Lads would try. He would have to do better than he did if he wanted to prove himself to Ryan and earn his love.

Ryan and Jack walk back upstairs to the penthouse. Jack was explaining to Ryan an excuse for what prompted him to add Bluetooth to his motorcycle, when Geoff an over to the two of them. “Sorry. Hate to interrupt but…” Geoff started.

“No, you don’t,” Jack said with a scowl.

Geoff’s eyes narrowed. “I’d like to speak with Ryan in private.”

Ryan looked over at Jack and Gave him an apologetic smile. “Guess I gotta go. Thanks again for the upgrades on my bike,” he said. Geoff walked away to his office, and Ryan followed behind. They got to Geoff’s office and Geoff shut the door. “So, are we finally going to start discussing plans to take down the Vagos, for good?” Ryan asked.

“I was thinking that the two of us should go take a tour of the local soda factory. See if the two of us could get a taste of some fresh diet coke,” Geoff said, ignoring his question and just cutting to the chase of asking Ryan out.

Ryan had no idea what a soda factory had to do with taking down the Vagos. He knew that soda factories had a lot of CO2 reserves, and that could be useful to taking them down. “I’m not sure what tasting fresh diet coke would have to do with defeating the Vagos, but I know soda factories have CO2 reserves that would we could weaponize and incorporate in explosives or something,” he said.

So, Ryan hadn’t understood that he was being asked out on a date. Geoff needed to make his intentions more obvious. “Sure, that is something we could do…” he started.

“Wouldn’t you want you get your demolitions expert in of your soda factory exploration instead of me?” he asked.

Geoff’s eyes narrowed. “You saying you like Michael more than me?”

Ryan’s eyebrows shot up in confusion. “What? No, I like you all equally! I’m just saying that carbon bomb exploration would be better suited for Michael.”

“’Oh…” Geoff said. He needed to turn this back around. “I was thinking that the two of us should scope the place out first.”

“Gavin’s the spy expert, not us.”

“Hey, you did a pretty fantastic job infiltrating Corpirate’s Farming and Mercantile.”

“I mean…”

“Come on Ryan. Let’s just try this little spy mission, just the two of us,” Geoff suggested, deciding to take the most direct approach of asking Ryan out.

Ryan sighed. “Alright.”

“Come on Rye, it will be fun.”

“I suppose you’re right. Besides, I already said yes.”

Geoff gave a victorious fist pump. “It’s a date!” he said. “Come on, let’s go tell the others,” Ryan nodded and the wo of them walked out to the living room of the penthouse.

When they entered the living room, the rest of the crew was sitting on the couch, glaring at each other. “You all are a bunch of losers,” Geoff taunted the crew.

“And why do you say that?” Jeremy grit out.

“I asked Ryan out of a date and he said yes,” he bragged. Ryan’s eyebrows shot up in confusion; what part of that spy mission was supposed to be a date? Before he had a chance to ask Geoff what he was talking about, Geoff leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. Ryan’s face immediately flushed in embarrassment and confusion.

“OH, THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT!” Michael shouted as he angrily stood up.

“Geoffrey, you can’t be bloody serious!” Gavin exclaimed.

“Hey, I’m the one who got him the job in the Fake AH Crew, I should be the priority choice when it comes to boyfriends!” Geoff yelled.

“Geoff, no. That’s not how love works,” Jack said.

“Oh yeah?! And, how would you know?!”

“There’s gotta be loving compassion in a relationship. Ryan and I are the two most loving and compassionate people here, so obviously the two of us would be the best for each other!”

“But do you really know Ryan? I’ve known Ryan since before I joined the Fake AH Crew. I know Ryan and I are the most compatible!” Jeremy argued.

"You hadn’t even seen his face until he showed it to all of us. Ryan and I haven’t known each other as long as you have, but we bonded almost immediately over our love of chaos. Obviously, Ryan and I are already in sync!” Michael shouted.

“The whole lot of you are a bunch of fools! Ryan’s attractive so needs to date someone attractive! I’m the prettiest one out of the five of us! I would be who’s best for him!” Gavin whined.

“You won’t be so pretty after,” Michael said as he punched Gavin in the face.

Gavin tried to kick Michael back, but Jeremy had already shoved Michael over. The crew’s argument over Ryan had turned into an al out brawl. Ryan stood over to the side and watched, rubbing where Geoff had kissed him on the cheek. Jeremy tried to pounce on Michael, again, but Jack picked him up and held him away. Ryan didn’t quite understand why they were all fighting over him[. Sure, he had killed the Corpirate, but now they needed to worry about taking down the Vagos. This fight was distracting them, but why was it even happening in the first place. Geoff came to Jack and tackle him to the ground. While Geoff was on the ground, Gavin kicked him in the face. Suddenly, he thought of how Geoff had apparently asked him out on a date and Gavin’s comment about how he was attractive. His eyes widened in realization; he finally understood why everyone as having this ridiculous fight over him.

“ENOUGH!” Ryan shouted. Everyone stopped attacking each other and looked over at him. “You guys have been fighting, all while the Vagos has time to start regrouping after the loss of their biggest ally, because you all were pining for me?!”

“I love you, Ryan, I don’t know what these guys are talking about,” Jeremy said.

“No, I love you,” Jack said.

“Well, I love you more,” Michael said.

“No…” Gavin started to say.

“Everyone, just shut the fuck up!” Ryan exclaimed.

“Ryan,” Geoff said.

“You know what, I’m leaving! Call me when you’ve got your heads out of your asses and stopped with this nonsense!” Ryan shouted. He stomped over to the front door and hurried out of the penthouse, slamming the door shut as he left.

Ryan went back to his personal apartment that he had away from the crew’s penthouse. He opened the front door and sighed. Another man in pajamas was sitting on the couch with a laptop. “Jon,” he greeted the other man.

Jon closed is laptop, moved it to the coffee table, and looked up. “Hey Rye, I thought you and the FAHC were planning your Vagos takedown,” he replied. Then he noticed the twist of frustration in Ryan’s face, “Oh honey, what happened?” Ryan groaned loudly as he walked over to the couch and faceplanted into Jon’s lap. He mumbled something indistinguishable. “You know, I can’t understand you when you’re talking into my lap.”

Ryan sighed and turned over to face him. “I wish I had never shown the crew my real face,” he said.

“Why? I thought you said the crew liked your face?’

“They do like it, and that’s the problem. After they saw it, each one of them decided that they have a crush on me. Now, they’re all fighting over who gets to date me.”

Jon snorted. “Well, none of them get to date you because you’re already dating me.”

Ryan looked up at Jon and smiled. “Yes. And I happen to love dating you.”

“I happen to love dating you, too.”

“But now they’re all fighting while the Vagos are regrouping,” Ryan said with a sigh.

“That regrouping isn’t going as quickly as you think. The Vagos are still trying to get funding from the Farming and Mercantile and they don’t get along as well, with its board of directors,” Jon informed him.

Ryan nodded. “Good to know. But it doesn’t change the fact that we need to get our shit together.”

“Hm,” Jon said as he thought. “Maybe it’s time you told your crew about your relationship,” he suggested.

“Are you kidding me?! I only just got comfortable enough to show them my face! My next thing can’t just be, ‘Oh hey, I’ve been in a loving committed relationship with the informant of the Los Santos underground for the past four years!”

“All I’m saying is that showing them that you’re already dating someone might make them realize that they’re being stupid and make them get their shit together.”

Ryan sighed. “You’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

Ryan snorted. “Jon, I love you.”

Jon leaned down and gave Ryan a gentle peck on the lips. “I love you too.”

Ryan and Jon lovingly gazed at each other. The moment was interrupted when Ryan’s disposable phone from the crew rang. Ryan sighed. “I’m reluctant to answer that because off all the pining bullshit,” Ryan said.

“You can’t introduce me to them if you’re not willing to talk to them,” Jon pointed out.

Ryan sighed in defeat and answered the phone. “Yes?” he asked into the phone.

“ _Ryan? It’s Jack. We decided that I probably pissed you off the least, so should be the one to talk to you,_ ” Jack replied.

“M-hm,” Ryan said. He rolled his eyes at Jon. They had all equally pissed Ryan off, but sharing that knowledge wouldn’t help the situation.

“ _We’re sorry and we’ll keep our emotions in check. Can you come back to the penthouse for dinner?_ ”

Ryan looked up and his eyes met Jon’s. “I’d like to bring a guest with me,” he replied.

“ _That doesn’t really sound like a good idea. Are you really sure that you want to bring someone else into our whole ‘love’ issue?_ ” Jack asked.

Jon grabbed Ryan’s hand and their fingers laced together. “I’m quite sure.”

“ _O…kay…_ ”

“I’ll be back over later,” Ryan said, and hung up the phone.

“Would you like me to get ready to meet the infamous Fake AH Crew?” Jon asked.

“Not right now,” he replied. Ryan scooted up and nuzzled his head into Jon’s chest. “Right now, I’d like to cuddle with my boyfriend.”

“Who knew that the terrifying Vagabond was actually a giant cuddle monster?” Jon joked. Ryan chuckled and closed his eyes while Jon began to pet his hair.

Ryan and Jon headed to the Fake AH Crew penthouse around dinner time. Ryan had opted to put his mask back on when he was going to introduce Jon to the crew. Jon frowned at that.

The two of them got in the elevator up to the penthouse. “Why did you put your mask back on to introduce me to your crew?” Jon asked as the elevator door closed.

“This pining bullshit made them lose their ’seeing my real face’ privileges,” Ryan replied. He pushed the button to go up to the penthouse.

“Or is it because you’re afraid to introduce your boyfriend to your crew?”

“I…”.

“You do realize that I’ll still love you no matter what they think of all this,” Jon reassured him as the elevator began to rise.

Ryan smiled underneath his mask. “You always keep reminding me of how madly in love with you I am.”

Jon smiled and lifted the bottom of Ryan’s mask and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “For the record, I love you too.”

The elevator dinged as it finally hit the penthouse floor. Jon snaked his arm around Ryan’s waist as the door opened. Everyone in the main FAHC was eagerly waiting for Ryan. “Ryan, we’re glad you decided to come back, even if you put your mask back on,” Michael greeted.

“You all lost your face privileges,” Ryan grunted out.

“And you brought…” Jack paused and he stared at Jon.

“Hhheeelllooo,” Jon sing-songed. Everyone stared, wide-eyed, at Jon.

“Jon, this is my crew,” Ryan explained to Jon.

“Okay, let me guess. We have Jeremy ‘Rimmy Tim’ Dooley, Gavin ‘Golden Boy’ Free, Michael ‘Mogar’ Jones, Jack “Beardo’ Pattillo, and Geoff ’Kingpin’ Ramsey?” Jon guessed, pointing to each crew member as he guessed.

“Mm-hm,” Ryan confirmed with a nod.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you all. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Ryan turned back to face the crew. “And this is Jon Risinger, my—”

“VAGABOND!” Geoff interrupted, marching over to Ryan and grabbing his arm.

Ryan looked back at Jon with a pleading look in his eyes. “Don’t worry, dear, I’ll acquaint myself with the crew while you’re getting yelled at,” Jon assured.

“You’re not helping!” Ryan shouted as he was being dragged away.

Geoff dragged Ryan into his office. “You’re mad at us for being in love with you and you brought the Rismonger, the king of information and rumors in the Los Santos crime world, here while we’re going through this?!” he exclaimed.

“Jon and I thought it would be a good idea for me to finally introduce you all to him—so that it might stop this whole ‘pining’ mess,” Ryan explained.

“Does he even know your name?!”

“Well yeah, since we’ve been to–”

“Don’t you understand that he can use his words to destroy all notoriety the crew has?!”

“Don’t worry, he won’t do that unless I ask him to,” Ryan replied. Geoff loudly groaned; he had no idea how that would even work. “Come on, at least try to get to know him before you just jump to any conclusions,” he said. He turned and strode out of the office, and Geoff followed behind him.

As the walked back into the living room, they saw that Jack was working on dinner and Jon was talking with the Lads. “Wow Rismonger, I’m pretty, but you are super pretty,” Gavin said.

“Thank you,” Jon replied. “You guys are pretty adorable, too.”

“I’m not adorable,” Michael grumbled.

“I mean, you’ve got the twink look to you, Gavin. Jeremy, you’re small but look like you pack a punch. And Michael, you’re an explosion behind your babyface.”

“Well, he’s not wrong, Michael. You do have a babyface,” Jeremy said with a laugh. Michael grumbled some more.

Ryan walked over to them and wrapped his arm back around Jon’s waist. “Honey, you’re not being mean to them, are you?” he asked Jon.

“Of course not, sweetie,” Jon replied.

“So, what’s up with you two and the pet names?” Jeremy asked.

Ryan looked at Jon. “Did you not tell them?” he whispered to him.

“I thought that our relationship was something they needed to hear from you,” Jon whispered back.

Ryan sighed and looked back over at the crew. “Guys, I have something I need to…”

“DINNER!” Jack announced, interrupting Ryan.

Ryan let out a defeated sigh. “So, do you want to sit next to me or across from me?” he asked Jon.

“I think…” Jon started to reply.

“Dibs on sitting across from Rye-bread!” Gavin exclaimed.

“…Well, I guess I’m sitting next to you, then,” he said.

“You know that I can make him sit somewhere else.”

“It’s okay. I don't understand why sitting across from you would be that important. Besides, I have easier access to you if I sit next to you,” Jon replied with a smile.

Ryan nodded and they all went over to sit at the kitchen table. Jack brought the food table. “I made chicken stir-fry,” he said.

“Doesn’t it smell good, Rismonger?” Jeremy asked.

“You guys can just call me Jon. And actually, I have anosmia which means I can’t smell. But it looks good,” Jon replied.

Jeremy looked at Jon skeptically, but nodded. Once the food was on the table, Ryan got food onto Jon’s plate before helping himself.

“Why did you need to help him get food on his plate?” Michael asked.

“It’s called being a good host, Michael,” Geoff argued. Michael’s eyes narrowed.

Jon rolled his eyes and tasted his food. “And it does taste as good as it looks,” he said.

Ryan took in a deep breath; the moment had finally come. Jon grabbed his hand as encouragement. “Actually, I served him his food because of the real reason I brought Jon with me, tonight. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you guys. Jon and I…” Ryan paused when he felt something messing with his feet. He looked up to see Gavin staring at him, amorously. Ryan quickly readjusted himself so that he was sitting on his feet.

“Ryan?” Jon asked when he noted Ryan’s shift.

“Sorry, I’m just not interested in playing footsie with Gavin.”

Gavin scowled. “You’re no fun, Rye-bread,” he complained.

“Please don’t play footsie with m-” Jon started.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Michael shouted

“I thought we all agreed that we weren’t going to do this if Ryan came back for dinner!?” Jack yelled.

“Especially since we have the Rismonger as a guest!” Geoff yelled.

Gavin scoffed. “It’s not my fault that the lot of you won’t take opportunities when they’re right in front of you.”

Jon leaned over Ryan. "Is he serious, right now?" he whispered to him. Ryan sighed in response.

“Now is not the time for that!”

“You’re all fools and Ryan deserves me!”

“Why I ought to…” Jeremy started to say as he threw some of his stir-fry at Gavin.

"Wow..." Jon said.

Gavin yelped in surprise and slapped Jeremy. Geoff got up and grabbed Gavin by the collar. Jack went over and pushed Geoff back down. “Sit your ass down, you’re embarrassing yourselves!”

“Don’t tell us what to when we’re fighting for Ryan!” Michael shouted as he pulled Jack down. The crew continued to fight and throw their dinner everywhere, making a mess of the place.

“Oh no,” Ryan said with a sigh. His head fell in his hands.

Jon sighed at the ridiculousness of the situation; when Ryan has said that the crew all had a crush on him, he never expected it to be this bad. He reached down and patted Ryan’s leg. “It’s okay,” he assured him. Jon raised an eyebrow when he felt a bump in Ryan’s pocket. “Do you have an anxiety boner, or something?” he asked.

Ryan’s head shot back up. “What? No. What are you even talking about?” he asked.

“It’s just that, I was patting your leg and I felt a bump. I figured it was either an anxiety boner or you were just happy to see me.”

Ryan gulped; he hadn’t meant for Jon to discover that there was something in his pocket. It was meant for something that he had been meaning to ask Jon for a while. “No, it for something that I’ve been wanting to ask you. I figured I’d just keep waiting for the right moment to ask. But in our line of work, there never will be a right moment.”

Ryan took another deep breath and ripped his mask off. Jeremy noticed the movement and looked over. “Ryan?” he asked. The crew of the crew stopped their fighting and looked at Ryan.

Ryan ignored everything around him except Jon. “Jon,” he started. “When I met you five years ago, I expected you to be some sort of heartless man who could turn the world against itself with his words. Turns out you can do all that, but you actually do have a heart. You’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. You were able to show this cold Vagabond that he had a heart, too; that he was capable of feeling love.” He paused and pulled the bump out of his pocket, which turned out to be a small jewelry box. He got out of his chair, pushing it away, and got down on one knee.

“Dude…” Michael quietly said.

Ryan opened the jewelry box, revealing and silvery ring with onyxes and sapphires. “Jon Risinger, will you marry me?’

Everyone stared in shock; they had no idea how any of this could even be happening. They looked at Jon to hear his answer. Jon’s eyes had opened wide and his jaw dropped at the proposal. After Jon recomposed himself, he started furiously nodding. “YES! HELL FUCKING YES!!!!!!!!” he answered. Ryan grinned wide as he slid the ring onto Jon’s finger.

Ryan stood back up and pulled Jon out of his seat. Jon pulled Ryan into a kiss. Ryan slipped his tongue into Jon’s mouth as Jon threw his arms around Ryan’s shoulders. Ryan laid his hands on Jon’s thighs and Jon to decided that if the proposal wasn’t enough to prove that Ryan was his, he would take it a step further and he jump on Ryan, wrapping his legs around his waist. Ryan understood what Jon was trying to do with his jump onto him, so his hands grabbed Jon’s ass to hold him steady, kneading it, as Jon began to attack his neck.

“…Um, guys?” Jack asked as he continued to stare at the intimate sight.

Ryan felt his own physical arousal and smirked. “Just so you know, I am happy to see you,” he said; his voice was gravelly from making out.

Jon removed himself from Ryan’s neck “I can tell,” he replied. The two of them went back to making out.

“Uh,” Gavin said, confused by the whole situation.

Ryan and Jon continued their intimacy, starting to make their way elsewhere. The two of them bumped into walls before they finally made it to Ryan’s bedroom. Everyone could only stare as they left. “… Does anyone know what the fuck just happened?” Geoff asked.

“…Well, it seems like Ryan just proposed to Jon Risinger. Jon said yes and now they’re back in his room, consummating the engagement,” Jack guessed.

“But was any of that actually real?” Michael asked.

“Yah, someone should go check,” Gavin replied.

Jeremy nodded. “I’ll go see,” he said. He ran back to back towards Ryan’s room.

“What does it mean if this is real?” Michael asked.

“It means that we’ve been being idiots,” Geoff replied as he sighed. “I mean it’s probably not,”

“It is,” Jeremy interrupted when he returned; his face beet red. “It’s very real.”

“Did you get to see…?” Gavin started to ask.

“I saw what we’ve been wishing was for us. But it’s never going to be us because he’s engaged now and seems very in love with his fiancé.”

“None of us ever had a chance… We’ve been fighting over nothing,” Jack said.

“…Wow, I feel stupid…” Michael said.

“That’s because you were. We all were,” Geoff said.

“Guys... I’m sorry. I was a right knobhead,” Gavin said as an apology.

“I’m sorry I threw food at you and wasted perfectly delicious stir-fry,” Jeremy said.

“I’m sorry I was as stupid as I was,” Michael said.

“I’m sorry and I love you guys,” Jack said, next.

“I’m sorry I let it get this far. The Fake AH Crew is a family, we shouldn’t let something like this get between us again,” Geoff said last. They all met in the middle for a group hug. “Come on, let’s go clean up the mess we’ve made and hope Ryan still talks to us after this,” he said. Everyone nodded in agreement and went to go clean up the dinner mess.

Forty-five minutes later, Ryan and Jon came back out of Ryan’s room, holding hands. Jon was wearing Ryan’s shirt and Ryan’s neck was littered with marks and hickeys. Everyone was sitting on the couch in the living room. “So, you all probably want an explanation for all this,” Ryan said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“I think we got the general idea,” Geoff replied.

“I know. But, I’ll clarify things further. I became enamored with Jon Risinger when I met him five years ago. We’ve been dating for four years and I had been wanting to propose to him for the past two, but I guess it took him finding the ring for me to grow a pair and finally pop the question,” he explained.

“And I love you no matter what,” Jon added and he leaned up and gave Ryan a peck on the cheek.

“We’re happy for you,” Jeremy said.

“Yeah, marriage is a big thing,” Gavin said.

“You’re not mad about it?” Ryan asked.

“I mean, we’re kinda annoyed that you didn’t tell us from the beginning,” Michael said.

“That’s not true. We understand why you didn’t tell us,” Jack replied.

“We’re sorry we put you through all that,” Geoff said.

“It’s okay,” Ryan replied. Then, he sighed. “I’m just happy it’s all over.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. “So, after we take down the Vagos, we start planning a FAHC wedding,” Gavin suggested.

“I like the sound of that idea,” Geoff replied in agreement. The rest of the crew nodded in agreement, as well.

Ryan turned to face Jon. “Are you okay with something like that?” he asked.

Jon shrugged. “Well, I’m marrying you, so I’m basically marrying into the Fake AH Crew. It sounds like it could be fun,” he replied.

“Alright crew, let’s plan a wedding!” Geoff announced as he clapped his hands together.

“After we take down the Vagos,” Ryan reminded him.

“…After we take down the Vagos,” Geoff repeated.

The crew excitedly started brainstorming ideas of how they could take down the Vagos so they could move on to wedding planning. Ryan leaned his head on Jon’s shoulder; he didn’t know what he was going to do with his crew, but at least they were finally on the right track. Everything was finally on the right track.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always found the idea of prostitute Ryan humorous. And after talked to [Artlesscomedic](https://artlesscomedic.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, I decided that this fic needed to happen.


End file.
